Close your eyes and scan your physical body.

What are you feeling?

Where is there tension?

Are you breathing?

This has been my reoccurring conversation with myself during the closure of everything. I am usually surrounded by people, so this lockdown has been a struggle, because now, for the most part I am alone. It’s a blessing and a curse to sit here in my own mind, with my self and with “nothing” to do (I actually have plenty I can finally do that I have put off for so long).

Normally I am really good at putting on a smile and bringing light. I have always felt that God has put me here to do just that, and I can’t help but do it. But I am struggling just like the rest of you with adapting to change right now. It’s all unknown right? At first it was a week, then two, now a month. We are diving into a new world whether you have decided you believe that or not. On the other side of quarantine there will be lost jobs, financial stress, lives lost, relationships in shambles but then there will also be new bonds created, new ideas imagined, and new life.

What I have chose to journal about the last couple weeks is the ability to choose. You can choose the negative or you can choose the positive.

If you choose negativity: You are likely sitting in a place of judgement with things you can’t control. You are choosing to let the negative light bring you down. You are choosing to let it take over your mind, which ultimately takes over your body and your soul.

If you choose positivity: You are likely going to come out of this stronger, full of more light, more ideas, more compassion, more love. You’ll likely come out being a better version of you.

That’s easy to read and say “Yea! I’m going to do that!”. But it’s not as easy to just ‘do’. You have to practice everyday. Cut the bad habits, create the good ones. Only YOU can make the choice of how you will come out of this.

I woke up today feeling overwhelmed with everything. My Grandma moved into hospice last week and is on what are likely her final days and I can’t see her because of the pandemic and everything being on lockdown. It sucks. But today I cried, and finally I am feeling lighter.

So remember, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be angry right now. Write about it, let it out. Then write out how you will create something better, how you will fill your mind, body and soul with more nourishing, uplifting choices. Once you decide how you’ll fill yourself, share it and spread the love. Keep in mind though, what you post on social media is what fills other people’s cups. Be mindful that you can spread negative or positive. Choose to be positive and you just might change someones spirits today.


One thought on “choice.

  1. Cailee,
    You are simply an inspiration to so many! I am blessed to call you friend and have you in my life supporting my journey towards bettering myself! In the words from a dear friend fighting a return of his cancer, he is determined to #LIVEINALLCAPS while he is living the unknown of how much life he has left. I am inspired to do the same….Love and Hugs
    ~Michelle C.

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