Dave.

I don’t talk about him much. But when you lose a life too soon, well you start you evaluate your own life and why life’s tend to go too soon.

Dave was an amazing human that I got to know too late in his life. Too late in his life because he was taken too soon.

Its been 5 years and since then I’ve grown a lot. I’ve grown and I’ve spread happiness because that is what he did. I replay our moments together over and over and it’s not something anyone else could understand, because only a few knew “us”. I know he was in my life for a purpose and for that I am grateful. Cheers to Dave, because I know these tears I cry today aren’t sad, but they are tears of happiness because I was lucky enough to know you.

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mindset.

It’s all perception and how you choose to take on the world. I don’t have everything, yet my life is full, and I’m in a happy place in life. But life isn’t perfect.

I walked into Church today after much debate of why I should crawl out of bed. I can’t tell you the last time I slept in and last night I found myself awake until 2am – extra sleep was tempting. February has felt like a marathon, it’s been non-stop, but it’s kept my heart in such a full and happy place, so I pulled myself out of bed because I knew I needed to hear the message today to keep me here.

If heaven came to earth….

The message itself was great, whether you believe in God or not. “Love each other as you love yourself” (just like you expect in heaven). I go through many of my days full of love and I try my best to treat others exactly how I like to be treated, even though some days it’s very hard. What I often remind myself is everyone is fighting some sort of battle, everyone has their own stuff going on which means we all need to have a little bit more compassion and change our mindset’s to not be rude, or not only focus on ourselves. Build people up, rather then push them down.

This week, change your mindset, change your life, change someone else’s life. What do you have to lose?

 

this life.

You know when you log on to Instagram or Facebook and you see all of these people’s lives and their amazing adventures, their families, their successes, their heartbreaks, their rants and of course their opinions? Does it ever make you wonder, what is this life?

Bali has made me dive deep into my own life and look into what I share and what I represent myself to be on social media. People constantly tell me they live vicariously through me, which yea, it’s flattering but it stirred up a lot of questions. Am I representing myself the way I want to be seen? Or am I hiding behind something?

In Bali I re-discovered a lot about myself. I went there to dive deeper within, and I did.

My self study on the trip stirred up a lot of deep and dark emotions of my past that I was sure were healed and far behind me. I dug into current wounds that feel like they are ripped open daily. I have struggled with family relationships for a long time and I have tried to stay above and apart from what tries to tear me down constantly – but the best way to heal is to tear off the band-aid, no matter how much it hurts – so I did it and I’m healing.

Everyday I choose to seek refuge from what I can’t control within these relationships by living a positive and uplifting life and I surround myself by choice with people that help me grow and push me in the directions of my dreams. Do you ever look at who you surround yourself with and realize there are a lot of people that tear you down more than they build you up?

I have let relationships like this and the wounds of my divorce and the struggles that followed that time in my life hold me back from truly pursuing my dreams. I have let fear of failure and fear of being successful and proving them wrong hold me back. I have been taken advantage of most of my life and I have let people allow me to fill myself with self doubt because of how they treated me or how they talked to me. For a long time I have not believed in myself.

Years ago after I got out of a relationship I was told I should try dating myself for a while. It was the best advice I have ever been given. In my relationship with myself I have been discovering my worth, I am believing in who I am – and my trip to Bali helped me to discover even more in this sacred relationship. I am believing I am someone that is worth being successful, I am someone that is worth pursuing my dreams and I am someone that is meant to cheer on others and let them see we are all in this life together.

I believe God has big plans for me and I’m realizing that the path I am on has gone exactly the way he has planned it – I wasn’t supposed to marry who I married and I wasn’t supposed to have a family then – I was supposed to discover, experience and live this life of building up others and motivating people to be their best selves first.

Yesterday I went to church and I connected so much with the message because it hit all the area’s of my life I have recently been questioning now that I know myself more, I know who I am. The biggest takeaway from the message was, “Why settle? Would you choose a hot dog over a filet mignon? Don’t marry a wiener.” Jason Strand (watch the message here)- Yea, that was said in church, but really – why would I settle when it isn’t right. God hasn’t been ready for me to settle. So here I am, surrendering, digesting and taking in this life. Living it day my day exactly the way He is showing me I should live it.

This life.

My life.

“While you dream your dreams, He’s busy building your destiny. And there is as much beauty in your destiny as there was in your dream. Let go and believe that whatever it is, it will be beautiful.” –Carry on, Warrior, Glennon Doyle Melton

 

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breathe.

Driving into Ubud yesterday I found I often had to remind myself to breathe. The driving is something I’ve never experienced. Scooters flying around on both sides. Constant games of chicken with oncoming traffic, luckily it ends safely (at least it has so far). Everyone seems at ease. There doesn’t seem to be road rage here, or at least I haven’t experienced it. It’s just an understanding, I’m faster than you so I’m gonna go around you and when I flash my lights or put on my blinker or calmly honk my horn I’m just preparing you for my move.

It’s almost like a dance. The cars and scooters are just gliding down the highway, weaving in and out, speeding up, slowing down, taking a moment to breathe rather than moving forward with rage, they are grateful they are moving. It took us just under 2 hours to arrive in Ubud and I found as we got closer I had started to breathe again, I was at ease, taking it all in. Breathing in a new culture, a new perspective.

It’s amazing how different their highways, markets and housing is from the United States. I had a similar eye opening experience 3 years ago when I spent a month in South Africa and Malawi. One thing I noticed that aligns both places is people are happy, people are content and people here are breathing. They are soaking in every experience, every interaction and they want to make sure your time here is memorable. Every single person working at this resort knows my name. Not only mine, but every single person I am here learning with. Incredible.

What has made me sad though is the volcano activity has driven much of the tourism out of Bali. A lot of people that live here and that work at this resort have been evacuated from their homes and they are living with other family. They don’t complain about it, they don’t want your sympathy, they are just grateful that they are safe. We are the only people (minus one other couple) at this resort due to the warnings, warnings that aren’t even affecting our area, but warnings that are affecting the wealth of this resort, the wealth of this island. They could be angry, they could be rude to us, but every single person I’ve encountered shows pure gratitude. It has me thinking about the interactions in America, how could we be more like the Balinese, how could we be more grateful?

Breathe it all in and think of what you can be more grateful for, even if it’s just for that moment that you stop and just breathe.

observations.

There is a beautiful connection between movement and breath. Inner thoughts occur. Worry. Faith. Doubt. Belief. Strength. Weakness. Fear. Fearlessness.

Day seven has arrived in what has already felt like a month of time here, yet has only felt like one day has gone by. There are so many vibrations going through my mind. The fear of being authentically myself on arrival and being accepted. We got delayed on our journey so we arrived a day late. Our first day started off with 4 hours of silence. First off if you know me personally you are probably thinking how on earth did you stay quiet that one. It was tough. I met 15 new people via silence. We connected just by a simple smile and movement. There was a lot of curiosity on both ends, who are these people? Will they like me? We meditated in each other’s presence, we flowed in a two hour vinyasa class and then the silence was broke and we met. I immediately felt a connection with many of these people if not all of them. That is just the beginning. 

We are all here on a different journey. We are here with a different story. We are here to find our own path. Yet we are all connected as one and we are all facing different fears. What I truly love about the practice of yoga is that it comes in all forms. It doesn’t matter the success or the struggle that you bring to the mat. What matters is that you show up and you grow from the experience. A lot of people fear yoga. I think it’s because you know you’ll have to stop and listen to yourself, you’ll have to feel movement in your body and you’ll have to listen to your mind and the chatter that exists within. I relate it to how I feel about writing. This scares the crap out of me. I was told once I need to blog because I have good stuff to say. But I constantly doubt my abilities to do it. I was also told to never go back and read it, cause I’ll over analyze, correct and not actually say what I mean. They were right…about that last part anyway.

I am finding this experience is a lot like the volcano that erupted just a short seventeen miles away from us. We expect by nature of a volcano at some point it will erupt. I came in full of expectations of what an advanced teacher training could hold, yet I was ready to dive into the unknown. The people that had to evacuate didn’t know what to expect. They knew that the eruption could be life changing, but how life changing was unknown. This training is opening several doors of thought and life changing experiences. In just seven days my mind has been filled with so many new ideas, dreams, goals and it has also allowed me to let go of a a few things that I have been hanging on to.  I have noticed things that I need to change and it feels good to acknowledge. Twenty five days left and I’m sure we’ve barely scratched the surface.

Pause in the moments of unknown. And breathe. Don’t think of what’s next. Think of what is now. – Cailee

Transformation

Today kicks off the 6 week weight loss challenge at Orange Theory Fitness Woodbury! I am stoked to be the captain of Team White! I have some amazing people on my team looking to make their life even better. But not only that, there are over 200 people total between the three teams that are looking to change their lives over 6 weeks and I am super excited to keep them motivated to do that.

Since starting to coach at OTF I have made a lot of lifestyle changes. I workout more, I eat better, I sleep more and I find I am happier than I have been in a long time. I made a big leap when I came to Orange Theory, I left the corporate desk life that I spent 14 years in. I was often unhappy in my own physical body which ultimately affected my mind and how I felt about myself. I was constantly motivating people to be in shape and to eat healthier, yet I didn’t feel I was in the body to preach that.

I am now walking the walk, not just talking.

Since this time last year I am down 20 lbs! I’d be curious what my body fat to muscle comparison was a year ago because I’m sure it would have been an interesting change. The number on the scale is cool, but really when it comes down to weight loss for me it’s about how I feel when I put on my clothes. A few weeks ago I decided to try on all my jeans and found most of them fall off of me (these are jeans I still have from high school/college by the way). Most of my yoga pants are too big too (is that even possible, why yes it is). I have been working on myself everyday and I have noticed little changes, but lately the results are really showing. It has taken time and I have been putting in a TON of work, but every time I look in the mirror, every time I get dressed, every time I work out I feel that much better than I have (probably since I was 14). It has been completely worth sacrificing the junk I used to eat and not skipping my workouts. It’s a lifestyle change really and I am feeling 100 percent better because of it.

I want nothing more than to help people push through the same things I have pushed through and see the results I’ve been able to see. You can do it and once you get there it is much easier than saying tomorrow i’ll do it. Do something today, You got this!

Also, I am participating in the weight loss challenge. My goal is accountability of getting my workouts in and finally losing those stubborn areas my body holds on to 🙂

Day one….I’ll keep you updated on my progress 🙂

 

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Left: One year ago (fall 2016), Right: Last weekend (fall 2017)

 

Compassion

com·pas·sion
kəmˈpaSHən
noun
  1. sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

This year has had me doing a lot of self evaluation. There is so much hate going on in the world that I’ve really had to think “what am I doing to make the world better”. I’ve been turning to God more and really just trying to digest how we as human beings can make the world a better place. 

I am not one to hand out money to someone panhandling, or someone homeless begging for money. I guess too many stories have broke that trust. But today I met Allen. I had just parked my car and walked over to pay the meter. There was a man sitting near the pay station that started talking to me. I said hello as I had no reason not to. He responded with “Excuse me ma’am, can I ask you a question?” I responded, “you sure can”. Allen then introduced himself and continued to ask me why there was so much hate? I simply told him, Allen I’m not sure, but I wish there wasn’t. He then told me about how a man had just came by him earlier that morning and was calling him the N word and telling him he was worthless. Allen wasn’t sure why that man was so full of hate “we all bleed red don’t we?” This truly hit a cord with me. Why is there so much hate? 

Allen ended the story saying, I just wish people weren’t like that. I apologized that he was treated that way. I told Allen if he was still there when I was done with my meeting I’d buy him lunch. He lit up, I could see true pain yet true gratefulness in his eyes. 

Allen was still there when I returned just over an hour later. I gave him $10 and told him to get some food, and promise me he wouldn’t do anything else with the money. Something told me I needed to trust him and trust he truly was in need. I’ve never seen someone look so shocked by kindness. 

I got in my car and I watched him walk to the food trucks a block away, I’ve never seen someone walk with a look of gratefulness like Allen did. I’m glad I could help him today. 

To the person who spoke poorly to Allen, I will pray for you that you will be a little kinder and realize we’re all working hard to get through this life. We don’t know what people have dealt with, I’ll never know what Allens story was or why he was there today. If we all are a little kinder and filled with more compassion the suffering and terror will stop. 

#morelovelesshate

Life.

Wow. Where has the time gone. 2014 is flying. I have been terrible about posting. Life has been busy, full and rewarding. I spent most of August and the beginning of September in South Africa and Malawi. If you weren’t following my blog about that, please check it out. andrewcaileeafricanadventure.wordpress.com  I still have plenty to post there, but for now I am have been at a stand still transitioning back to life. I dove back in head first which was good and bad. I adjusted to the time change quickly, but my body did not adapt back to American food very well. I really had to eat clean the first week in order to actually keep anything in me. That really says something about the food we eat here wouldn’t you say? Because of this I have decided it’s a good time to keep my eating habits just as clean all of the time. I love to indulge, but to be honest the food here feeds my body much differently than the food I ate in Africa.

With that I need to jump back on the healthy eats train and start posting my recipes again. I miss trying to cook new things. Now that I am settled into my new place and I am back from my trip, nothing should stop me.

The other big thing is dating. I have given into dating sites. I decided I can’t knock them if I don’t try them. It is a fascinating world online. More on that later. Feels good to get back on here. More to come soon, I hope 🙂

No script

Over the last 6 months I feel like I have found a whole new meaning behind my teaching. I have become a teacher, rather than an instructor. Just yesterday someone told me about a class they took with Judith Lasater. They said that she was describing the difference between an instructor and a teacher. An instructor reads from a script, a teacher teaches from their own words, there own experience, they connect with their students. This is what has happened for me. I have let go of the script and I have became me, a teacher.

I have feared taking that next step in teaching. I have feared teaching the higher level. Who am I to sequence a powerful yoga class that students enjoy. Who am I to share my own experiences. Who am I to allow my students to open up to me or share their world with me, with themselves, right there on their mat.

Who am I not to do that?

Certain experiences in life can instruct us or teach us. When you buy something new it may comes with instructions. This is how you are “supposed” to use it. Sometimes you should stick to the script, but do you always have to? In some cases, yes, but in some scenarios when you use the script as a guideline and use life experiences, observations, teachings to step away from that script you may discover something new. This discovery could be life changing. It could be the difference between instructing and teaching.

The other thing I have learned is not all experiences are the same. Some teachings may resonate with you better than others. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t accept what doesn’t resonate, but maybe look deeper as to why it is affecting you negatively. It could be a fear, something pushing you out of your comfort zone, something that is offering a challenge that you are afraid to accept.

I hear many people say what I am teaching is not Yoga. I understand it may not align with ancient teaching of yoga, but I also understand that yoga can be described differently for everyone. One type of yoga may resonate with you, and another may not. Yoga means to “yoke” or to unite. The whole idea of yoga is to connect mind, body and spirit together. Your choice of how you do that is up to you. For some it is meditation, it is quiet, it is time to self reflect with the entire world shut off. For other’s it is dripping sweat and getting your butt kicked to the sound of Rihanna or Calvin Harris. Neither is wrong. We all find a different way to connect with our self. It will be a different journey for everyone.

Start somewhere, maybe even with a script. No matter where you start remember it is a long journey of ups, downs, egos, judgements, love, hate, but most importantly self discovery. I know myself more today than I ever have. I will continue to learn, I will continue to grow. I will continue to use a script as a guideline, but I will always use life experience to be my true Self and to continue to teach others to be theirs.

 

Just Juice

Yesterday I began a 3 day cleanse. Nothing but juice for 3 days. I won’t lie, my head is playing many games with me. I keep thinking that I will die by only consuming juice, how could I possibly live without solid food?

Day one is in the books and I made it through the day.  No need for the extra snacks of fruits and veggies even. I survived on 6 juices. Happy Green, Deep Cleanse, The Ginger, Juicy Roots, Radiance and Green Milk & Tea so Good.  I drank them in that exact order too. ( You can find ingredients at www.juicesogood.com/juices/ )

I found that I was full all day yesterday. I had good energy and the only thing I really wanted was fruit or veggies and some chips and salsa (my weakness), but I didn’t cave because my body felt nourished.  During a cleanse it really is all about giving to your body, being good to your body and not quite over-exerting yourself.  So going to hockey last night may or may not have been the best thing. However I did notice I had a good amount of energy for the first hour and then I could tell I was getting tired. It was incredible considering I had only had 5 juices up until that point. I saved the Green Milk for after I was done. It was the perfect fit and quite refreshing after and hour and a half on the ice. (It was the last night of hockey and I drank the Green Milk while all my hockey pals drank beer). When I got home I got ready for bed and sipped on the Tea So Good. I was out right away, and slept very good!

I am finding the toughest part of the cleanse so far is when you are around people eating or enjoying an ice cold beer after hockey. Other than that I am feeling energized, I haven’t had any headaches and my body doesn’t feel weak.

Day 2 is off to a good start, but I am a little worried about teaching yoga sculpt tonight. I keep reminding myself  to take it easy and be gentle to myself. I already pushed myself once during the cleanse by going to hockey.  My fear is not being tired or weak during class, my fear is actually having that “yoga hunger” after class. I may have to add an extra juice to my day if that’s the case 🙂

 

XOXO, C