Oh yea, we all know about The Bucket List, and heck we all probably have one. A few weeks ago I was inspired to create a different kind of list. I listened to Steph Gaudreau’s Podcast, Harder to Kill podcast (I listen weekly, you should too ) Her Fierce Love Friday Episode was about the “The Fucket list” . It’s the anti-bucket list. Giving fewer F***’s about the crap that doesn’t matter. You know, the stuff that holds you back. We ALL have these things.
I’ve thought about this A LOT since I’ve listened. I’ve even listened again just to continue the inspiration. I started the book that’s been sitting on my “to read pile” too. “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck) by Mark Manson. It’s all made me realize 2019 is going to be my year to let go and just move forward.
So here it goes – My “F*cket List” (or at least some of them) :
- Letting negative energy people bring me down. Their bad energy is NOT mine and it was probably built up of a lifetime of crappy people poo pooing on them. My goal for the year is to just shine a little bit of brightness their way and maybe just maybe their energy will turn – or at least it won’t effect mine. Mark Manson actually talks about this in his book (mentioned above) saying that some people have nothing better to do than complain – they are bored otherwise because they aren’t putting anything more productive in their life. So to these people, BYE!
- Fear that people don’t care what I have to say. This has long been a fear of mine. It was instilled on me in a relationship I was in and has continued to haunt me for over 12 years. I truly believe it’s what has held me back from being a better, more committed blogger and it’s held me back from starting a podcast (p.s. this is one of my BIG goals for 2019). What I’ve realized though is that some people DO care, and some people DON’T care. You will ALWAYS have that no matter what, so I’m gonna say F it in 2019, be vulnerable and write.
- You ever feel down if someone doesn’t like you? Me too. I see this most in the never ending and somewhat depressing world of dating in your 30’s. Ughhh. It’s awful and really I truly want to say F it. If you don’t like me, no biggie, you aren’t my person and there is probably a reason we shouldn’t be in each others life. I mean this both in a relationship and friendship way. I’ve learned it’s okay to let go of some people and it’s made my life SO MUCH BETTER. But heck, I’ve sure learned a lot from these stepping stones, and I’m continuing to learn. On my way home from Church today I was reflecting on the message “Imperfect Together” and the focus on developed intimacy. I realized I need create a more intimate relationship with the kick ass humans that already exist in my life and truly connect with the strangers I come across as I understand there is a deeper purpose to all these connections and it’s not just the “likes” on social media. That crap is leaving us in isolation. We need more.
- There is much more on my list, but the final one I want to share is this. I want to share and let go of one thing that has brought me down for much of my life. The relationship with, or lack there of, with my dad. I have tears streaming down my face just writing it now, because yea it hurts, but I need to send it out and let it go. I have constantly struggled with not feeling good enough when it comes to the relationship I’ve experienced with him. I know he loves me the way he knows best, but quite frankly he’s never been there for me and it has hurt me. I know he is a great father to the half and step siblings I have and a I’m sure a great husband to my step mom. But for me, I’ve just been lost or pushed to the side. I’ve tried to build something, but it feels one way so I just stopped. I keep saying I want to hold on because of my Grandma who is still living, but I’ve come to learn I can have a really solid relationship with her, without him. So here it is, in 2019 I am LETTING GO. I am moving on and I am embracing the loving, inspiring and most importantly involved family and friends I do have in my life. If that’s you, THANK YOU. You’ve given me a reason to feel wanted, to feel loved and most importantly that there is not a thing wrong with me.
I hope if you have things to let go of that you too will write out a “F*cket list”. If it’s anything like mine you will feel lighter and ready to kick ass and be a better version of yourself in 2019!