Really Cold, with a side of a broken heart

This blog is not as sad as the title appears. Actually it’s probably more warm than I give it credit, it’s just really cold outside as I write this. And the broken heart part is probably a little dramatic.  Over the last few days I have had numerous conversations with girlfriends about men. Why do men do this? Why do men do that? Why do men suck?

Well all of these questions can be answered in about one billiion different ways. There will never be a right answer and there could be a debate across the board from guys and girls about what it is men do, and what it is they don’t do. There are passive women and there are aggressive women. Women that intimidate and are blunt and say exactly what they are thinking at the moment and then there are women that just wait it out and let the guy come to them with feelings (I should get a little lesson on this).  I am not saying either is right or wrong, but these are merely observations I have come up with during my short lived life of love. I have been in love once (well maybe twice).  I have thought that I was in love about a million times in between. How do you every really know? I think past love has temporarily damaged me at times. You know that feeling of not feeling good enough? Other girls have way more to offer than I do. I change my mind too much. I stay very busy. I search for the bad, the miss-step or I just hate the nice ones. Sound familiar? Probably, because I am not the only female that does this.

Here is where the broken heart comes in. I break my own heart ALL the time. I used to think guys did, but after a talk with a good friend, she suggested they break our minds more than anything. They get into our heads and make us think we should feel this way or that way. They give us false hope, false fairytale (so does Disney). I am a busy person, I do have a lot on my plate, but for the right person none of that would matter. So I need to quit letting people use that as their excuse against me, and if they do, I can’t feel bad over it. It wasn’t meant to be.  I recently began re-watching the Sex and the City TV series. I have watched all of these episodes countless times, but what I noticed more recently is each episode the women are searching so hard to find “love”,  but are also searching for reasons it won’t work, or blinding themselves to why it shouldn’t work, but keep trying to make it work. We all do it, TV show or not, we all create an image of what love is supposed to be, we don’t just let it happen. Let it be organic, and maybe let it happen with the person that is put right in front of you.  Nope we make more excuses about everything and we make it complicated.

A relationship is right for you when it enhances your life, not when it complicates your life. We ALL need to remember that. My friend just shared an article with me about a letter written by John Steinbeck about falling in love. He wrote, “There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance.”  I think most people are in this type of love. Hollywood, High School, giving yourself a label based on who you date. He then refers to another type of love, “…an outpouring of everything good in you – of kindness, and consideration and respect – not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique  and valuable.” This love “can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.” I think I have felt this once, enough to know this is exactly what I want, and I will wait as long as I have to in order to have it. Not only have it, but keep it.

As to not to continue to go on about a topic that is so highly complicated it could take years to discuss, I will stop with this. Quit stressing over the little things. Men don’t worry nearly as much about conversation as women do. We over think conversation, actions and silence way more then we should. Once something is right there will be less worry. Stand your ground, be you whether its intimidating so to speak or maybe a little more passive, someone right will step into your life. When they do, maybe you’ll be lucky enough to hang on to them and have the relationship that is easy, not complicated. It enhances every aspect of your life and gives you reason to be stronger and more courageous. Don’t rush it. Don’t over think it. It will come.

-Cailee

Thank you to my southern “soul mate”. A gal I just bumped into one day and has impacted my way of thinking and taking on the world in so many ways. Friend soul mates are the best kind!

Intention

Intentions. We all have them. Good ones, bad ones and sometimes we don’t even really acknowledge what our intention is right away. I never really thought about intentions until I was told to in yoga class. “Close your eyes, take a moment to set your intention for your practice.”  I also never knew how powerful this moment was until I really started to set intentions for my practice. I remember the first time I really felt an effect from it. I was in a class where the teacher told us to set our intention, generally the cue is to set it for someone who needs extra energy, even if that person is you. This time the teacher told us to set our intention towards someone that we thought negatively about, or someone we were mad at. In the 2 seconds I had to process that, I thought, “this is interesting.” I did it though. I set my intention for someone who was constantly on my mind, but not in a positive way. Someone who often made me upset. I set my energy towards that person in class, I was surprised by the results. After sixty minutes of sun A’s, sun B’s, standing, balancing, twisting, inverting and stretching I found myself completely light in my final savasana.

What I thought was sweat dripping down my face were tears. I was letting go. I felt so light and not angry at this person anymore. I felt content. It was the most amazing feeling. I kept with this trend my next few practices and each time I felt lighter and lighter, I let go more and more. I repeat, It was the most amazing feeling. I started to focus on my intentions more after this.

Not only did I set my intentions with greater focus, but I started making every movement with intention too. I started actually using my breath to guide my practice. The connection with intention became a big part of my practice. I had already completed sculpt teacher training, and my intention going into that training was to teach. I found after sculpt training I had a deeper connection with my practice, not necessarily ready to teach, but I loved what I was discovering about myself. This is when I had my moment of actually setting an intention in my class. It made me hungry for more self discovery, I finally saw the power of my yoga practice, not just the physical side of it. That is when I stepped into 200 hour power teacher training. This time my intention was different. I went into power training to learn more about the practice itself, more about who I am in this world and just maybe I would come out a teacher, but teaching was not my intent going in this time.

This training was emotional. It stirred up a lot of past feelings that have been burrowed for so long. Training allowed me to connect with other people that had similar pain, it allowed me/us to let go and be free of the past. We were able to make a connection with the present and move forward with intent.

I have now been teaching for just over a year and I am about to dive into another 200 hour teacher training. This time for hot yoga. My intention is much different this time. It is inevitable that I will continue to have self discovery in this training, but I also want to soak up every ounce of information I can on postures and the connection to our body and how the posture influences change or detoxification for our body.  Coming into this training as a teacher and knowing the classroom environment will give me a much different perspective this time. My goal is to fully immerse myself in training and utilize my vinyasa teacher voice to make my hot teacher voice come through earlier than it did in past training.

Power teacher training changed my life. It changed my perspective on many aspects of life and has allowed me to grow spiritually, emotionally and physically. Throwing yourself into something challenging, something that you may even fear is how you allow yourself to grow. Going in with an intention gives you a guide of what your objective is. It may change slightly, but it keeps you on track and gives you purpose. Find your intention. Move forward with intent. Do all with intention.