We all go through changes or transitions in life. Sometimes by choice, other times because life moves us towards those changes. In the next two weeks I am beginning a new phase in my life, “living on my own”. No roommates, no significant others, no family, just me. This is a HUGE step for me. I have always lived with someone, whether it was my parents, my college roommate, my ex boyfriend or a friend, I have always had someone around. I’ve always had company. I used to hate being alone. If I was alone I wanted interaction whether it was a phone call, texting or having the TV on; I needed interaction. It is (or was) certainly one of my weaknesses. Although my ability to be social may be a strength, my ability to not be content while alone was by far one of my greatest weaknesses.
I am finding either with age or with the practice of yoga I am now in greater need of alone time. I am finding myself to be very content on my own. Which is why I am very excited for the next chapter.
Yes, it is unbelievably scary! There are no more bills to split. There is no one to sit and chat with or to randomly decide to have a night out with on a whim, just because you are both home and have nothing else to do. But on a bigger token, it is so exciting. I never thought I’d see the day that I would live all alone. I never thought the idea would excite me, but it certainly does. I am in an amazing part of my life where I honestly feel content. Yes there are still things missing, like that special someone I hope to meet one day and begin an amazing family with. With time that will come. For now I am blessed with finding an amazing new path in life. Each day I find that I am more and more thankful for coming across such an amazing yoga community. The people alone, fellow yogis, teachers and students alike are AMAZING! Every being has their own story. They are all at a different place in their journey, and that is what is so great about where I feel I am at in my life right now.
I am on this journey of Santosha. One of Pantajali’s Niyama’s. Santosha means contentment or satisfaction. I often find myself feeling so content lately. With this I have found that I am letting go of more. I watch less TV, I shop less, I want less in my closet and in my home (yes I keep letting go of the clothes and things I should have gotten rid of YEARS ago!). It is funny that I even eat less, because I don’t feel like I need to “feed” myself extra to feel okay. I also find myself feeling okay when I am home on a friday night, alone (eeek). The idea of this used to scare me, and yes I still have my moments where I wish I had something to do, but after I get through all those emotions and let go of the feeling of being alone I begin to feel content and let go of the need to be in a social environment. I embrace the time to watch a movie, go to bed early, actually get good sleep. The things we so often stray from in our twenties, I am finally embracing.
Feeling content takes time. It comes and goes and some days are easier than others. I try not to attach to the emotion I feel when I can’t find Santosha, because I know that there are times that we can’t control. Life is a journey that changes daily. My life six years ago was drastically different than it is now. I have gone through more changes than I could even begin to track within the last six years. I am proud of where I am going, and I am excited for what is yet to come. I am living in the moment, staying present. Looking forward to the next step! 🙂